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He doesn’t say it, not in so many words, but he’s worried I’ll act out some of the fantasies I have told him. He told me to write those dark thoughts and fantasies out as well, give them a form to get them out of mind.As I sit here writing this, I watch the sun coming up through the open door. It’s peaking up over the flat horizon casting its yellow morning light over fields to the east. I light a joint, thinking about what I’ve done. Knowing, I must rush back into town and get myself to church. Nevertheless, I took in the splendor of nature. I’m rejuvenated and want to get this down while it’s all fresh in my mind.The Doc thinks I hate women. Let me make this clear, for whoever reads this, which I hope is no one, I don’t hate women. I know what they are, though, liars, cheats, self-indulgent, manipulative, backstabbers, who would use any man and discard him like toilet paper. I could go on and on about women in general or my mother as a specific example of unfairer sex. After all,. “We never mention her name in the house, but it isn’t all her fault, I suppose it takes two to tango. And she’s half his age, so he should have known better and been more careful about precautions. I shudder thinking about it. I only knew just after Christmas that he’d had a girlfriend all along and she’d had a baby, I couldn’t get tested for ... diseases quickly enough.”“All clear?”“Oh yes! Absolutely! All clear, for sure. If not, well, I wouldn’t be showing my face in public.” Of course, Gertie would naturally be thinking of Jake’s safety, Gill thought. “Jenny would probably look after the baby during the walk if Wayne and his partner did come on the ramble.”“Do you still feel upset about the end of your marriage?”“Yes, I suppose I still am.” She picked up her refreshed cup of tea to take a sip, then put it down and played with the spoon in the saucer. “It’s just that I didn’t even realise we had a problem. Nothing was ever said between us about it not working out, or any.
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